i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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