I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
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