The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
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