what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
