i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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