Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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