Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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