I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
