You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
