Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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