so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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