I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
