alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize
