and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
