i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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