I skipped work to stalk him.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
