no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
