laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
