i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
