so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
