You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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