I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
