Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
