Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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