Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
