She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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