omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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