Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
