These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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