Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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