It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
