his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
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