Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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