Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
