I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
