he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
