I must be too annoying 4 u.
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Dicks are not precious.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
