He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I think I have vodka in my lungs
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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