Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
