What did we do last night that was yellow?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Randomize
