Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
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