Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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