He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Randomize
