and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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