dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
