This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
