I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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