That's intense
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
