Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
