i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
