i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
