Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
