Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Randomize
