Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
I'm too high and old for this...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
