i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
